Bear with me… this is hard to share. Im currently rated at 80% and I am thinking about going back as my issues have gotten worse to the point where I am no longer holding a job and I am destroying the relationships that tether me to this world. My PTSD is rated at at 70%. It was all combat related and I kept it that way… that was a little over 2 years ago. It took me 6 months to recover from the C&P exam and at this point I wish I would have shared the rest so I didn’t have to go through it all again. When I hit the fleet (November 2005) I was out on duty during the holidays and pretty much everyone else went on leave. I was 19 at the time and I went out in town and met a guy that seemed cool and asked me if I wanted to drink. Looking back at these decisions I cringe at how fucking stupid I was at 19. He drugged me and raped me in an RV. I do not remember how I got back to the barracks and I told everyone I got into a fight with a guy at the beach for hitting on his girlfriend. I BURIED this but it consumed me… it still does. I got charged for under age drinking a few months later and it took twice as long for me to move up. They put me on combat cargo on my first deployment and I was marked a shitbag to my immediate leadership. Any good leader could have seen there was a problem… no one did. I have been told by everyone to leave my PTSD alone and not ask for a increase. But they don’t know this story. What should I do. Be content with 80% or ask for an increase and tell them this. Idk how I could possibly tell someone I don’t know face to face this story.