I'd like to [un]officially respond to many of you out there who are disappointed with my first few months. So Listen up, all you whiners.

I'm sure you've heard all the ridiculous chatter about my take on beards and how that supposedly relates to our precious force. Let me clarify this for your New Army feeble little minds: I and my trusty sidekick aren't lifting a finger to relax the male grooming standards, including giving the green light to beards.

The wise Admiral McRaven spelled it out back in 2014 during his little speech at THE University of Texas. Self-discipline, and by extension, shaving, is an everyday affair. There are no breaks and no weekends off.

Some of the Army's most epic flops can be traced back to slackers who couldn't be bothered to shave daily. Remember Custard's Last Stand? Mai Lai? WIN-T? And let's not forget 1 PLT, B CO, 1 BN, 2 BDE, 101 ABN DIV. Much to my great shame, there have been two days in the Army that I failed to shave; I earned an award on each of those days; I'll let you all figure out which ones.

Don't worry, because thanks to my all-knowing leadership and your COC/COR, we'll have squad leaders making surprise visits to your homes to keep tabs on your grooming habits. And for my grand finale on the beard nonsense, let me quote the oh-so-wise CSM Sixta, a true legend in my eyes: "The Almighty Godfather himself said you bunch look like a bunch of undisciplined Elvises!"

Now, onto my thoughts about where I fit into the whole COR/COC thing. News flash, Powderpuff Crew: I don't. Spare me your sob stories, mommy tit-sucking, whining, and pitiful cries of "poor me." I have far more important things to occupy my time than entertaining your pathetic complaints. So do us all a favor and quit bothering me with your boohoo bullshit.

I'll take a daily shave and a super size of discipline.