Scene: A very small FOB (1 battalion, plus some assorted foreign SF types and whatnot, edge of the green zone circa 2007).

Personnel: SPC Type, 1 / ea, NorCal; LTC Type, 0.5 / ea, let's call him Napoleon.

We got 1 day "off" per week to do laundry, get haircuts, etc, but were still expected to monitor comms (maintenance, recovery crew + QRF on occasion). Small squad at the time meant there was never more than 1 person "off" at a time, and the rest of our battalion was similarly scattered - Rhino runs, route clearance, embassy runs, manning checkpoints, etc.

LTC Napoleon had a thing about battle buddies. In garrison, deployed, whatever - you're never alone. Always have your battle buddy.

SPC NorCal had shit to do and didn't want to sit around ghost town waiting for someone to happen along who had nothing better to do just to have a battle buddy to go drop off laundry 50 yards from his room. SPC NorCal, unfortunately, happened to live right next to the command post.

I made it about halfway to the laundry drop before getting stopped by LTC Napoleon, who proceeded to give me a 4-5 minute lecture on how "the kidnapping threat in the IZ is real", "we may be in the green zone at the moment but it's still a combat deployment", blah blah blah etc.

Now, LTC Napoleon was normally shadowed by our CSM...but at this point and time, he was alone too. Since he was walking the opposite direction as me, I didn't bother inviting him to be my battle buddy, but I waited for him to run out of steam then said something along the lines of "with all due respect / no offense sir, but if there were bad actors looking to kidnap someone right now, I'm pretty sure a 5' tall LTC with no weapon is a more enticing target than a 6' SPC that's twice his weight."

Miraculously, he seemed to digest and acknowledge that, and ended with ordering me immediately back to the motor pool after dropping off laundry....I didn't bother telling him it was my day off and I was going to go get a haircut next.

He turned out alright later on, I just remember him being a dick in that one moment. I think he made 2-star before retiring.