And I want to share while it’s fresh. I spent the last week going out of my fuckin mind and didn’t sleep at all last night because I was so worried about it. It’s a big deal and seems their the gatekeepers. So for anyone going through this here is my experience: She was absolutely unprepared and 70% of the one hour exam was her reading the notes from my VA “therapist” and my evidence. She tried to find holes in what I was saying vs what was submitted. There weren’t any. I worked really hard on it. Have your evidence, notes, and mind ready for the fact that they’re detectives. Not friends.

I thank this sub for my preparedness on that front.

Today was with VES. Tomorrow I have another one for PTSD with QTC so I’ll update the same way after that. Venting this shit out helps me as much as I hope it helps you.

Started off cold and uncaring. They aren’t your therapist and they only want facts. Read the DBQ, thats their roadmap. You’ll literally see them go down it and you can follow along.

She asked about my childhood, specifically if I was abused or neglected (to which I answered no. That’s not what we’re here to talk about). She asked about my claims (major depression, anxiety, alcoholism and sleep disturbances) all before, during, and after my service. She asked about all 3 of my deployments to Afghaniland and specifically if I was paid hazardous duty pay (I was). That seemed relevant to her. She asked me why I joined. She asked me if I felt I had an adequate support group (family and friends).

She asked about what I believed to be the cause, (specific event) to which I answered the same as I had submitted as evidence to the VA (orders, decorations, lay statements, witness statements, and personal statements) which kinda fucked me up. I bawled my brains out, I apologized, and we moved on. I’ll be fucked up for the rest of the day though. Be prepared to go into so much detail it fucks their day up too. Imo, they should be able to taste the pain you felt or they won’t appreciate it appropriately. Prepare yourself to relive it in real time detail.

I explained my worst day and how it not only impacted me, but my relationship with those I care for the most (my kids, soon to be ex wife, friends, and my mom).

I explained the absolute worst day I have and the thoughts that I have on those days. Truthfully. From “I wanna wrap my fuckin truck around a tree on the way to work most days” to “I wanna fucking nasty kill the guy who was texting instead of watching the light when it turned green and wasted 6 seconds of my life because truthfully, 6 seconds can absolutely mean the difference between life and death and this person just put me in a position of vulnerability for some Snapchat ass”. I made it clear I’d never do either, but these are the thoughts that impact me, that I now spend 99% of my day combating. Because they’re wrong and fucked up and an awful outlook on life that is and always be stuck in my mind because of my combat deployments.

I was disgustingly honest.

I have no idea how it is going to turn out or if I’ll get a rating for any of it. I’m not sure if I did it “right” or not. This isn’t advice, just awareness of how the exam went for me on this day.

Side question though, when and how can I get access to the exam results? I’m super paranoid about what was written.