Every time I’m trying to enjoy my morning shit after hammering 6-7 cups of coffee down my gullet, I’m rudely interrupted by either an army mechanic or a civilian contracted mechanic who comes into the stall next to mine and proceeds to have some of the most violent and aggressive shits I have ever bared witness too.

They’re coughing up a lung to the point it sounds like they’re choking on the smog of their own bowels. They’re breathing heavy as fuck as if they just run a fucking 3 miler on their way to the shitter. They’re grunting and panting as if they’re panicking and don’t know what’s happening. Then all I hear is hurricane force winds blasting through the bathroom as they start farting into the toilet bowl with absolute gusto as if they pumped air into their asses prior to dropping trough. I swear to god you mother fuckers are putting dents into the toilet bowls.

Then they proceed to use all the shitty one ply TP, and finally leave without washing their hands. Only to leave the bathroom smelling like someone’s rotting corpse has been festering in the corner for a week, and the entire stall is covered in grime stains and dirt and other shit cuz you mfers have your hands covered in grease and oil 24/7

So tell me. Wtf does the diet of the everyday Motorpool soldier consist of? Tobacco, hunts brothers pizza, and fucking rockstar energy drinks?

I’ll take a 4x4 with extra cheese, 2 orders of fries, a Coke Zero, and extra spread on the side please.