Hey guys, I’m a 23 year old dirty civilian. Wanted to get some of your perspectives on my situation and maybe some life experience/wisdom from folks who’ve been around the block and served. I am a first-gen Asian American. From the time when I was young, I’ve always wanted to join the military. Even as I’ve gotten older, went to college, and have since graduated recently, I’ve always subconsciously been at a crossroad between serving and trying to suppress that inner desire by doing something in the civilian world. To be frank, it’s never worked. Every time I try to talk myself out of it and rationalize why I shouldn’t join, I keep finding myself a couple days later wanting to do something in the military, preferably as an officer doing something cyber related or in SOF. I train hard physically and run a lot in my spare time when I am not working or running errands.

I currently make over 100 grand at a tech company doing cybersecurity, but I feel unfulfilled. I like my work but I feel like I’m lacking direction in life. It truly is draining especially since I have ADHD and I know that I’ll have to wait at least two years for a waiver. On top of that, I had childhood asthma that I never got taken off my medical records even though I never suffered from it past the age where I was on a nebulizer at around 5. So that right there makes me question if I’m just delusional for thinking I even stand a chance at being eligible to serve. I know I am self-selecting myself but it doesn’t feel encouraging with Genesis.

Announcing to my girlfriend that I have a desire to serve would probably blow up the relationship. I’ve always floated the idea and she’s been dismissive and I feel like our lives are going in different ways. I am very career-oriented whereas she is not, and I just feel like we argue all the time. I feel lost and serving has just always been on my mind all throughout my life. I never had the best grades in college so I don’t know if officer route is for me. Sorry if this is a rambling post but I really just needed someone to talk to. I really want to reinvent myself because I don’t like who I am slowly becoming, and the military seems to be one way to do that.