I feel like I hang up my soul on Sunday night and drag along soul-less and spiritless from Monday onward to final formation on Friday afternoon. I have Saturday off but I'm usually too sleepy to do anything and just lie in bed. Then on Sunday, I do have energy but you know what I do? I spend most of the day doing laundry, cleaning, running errands, and prepping for Monday. I'm so burnt out because I don't have time for me anymore.

The week is spent usually doing the same things every day in a cubicle without noticing if there's any impact.

Now I need to wake up by 0430 to leave home by 0450. If I'm lucky I fall asleep. If I'm not lucky I fall asleep by midnight, then wake up at 2am in a cold sweat worried about something that hasn't happened yet and unable to go back to sleep. If I can't get to sleep at all my "leadership" doesn't let me go home early. I haven't been to medical because it's pretty non-existant at this duty station.

If I can manage, I can leave home by 0450 to be at work for 0530 (I live 30 minutes off post and try to arrive at least 10 minutes prior to formation) just to hear your senior talk for 10 minutes every day before you are released to "PT on your own in the gym" from 0540-610 is demoralizing to me. Group PT essentially doesn't exist but we still have to wake up as if it does. Time could be better spent.

The last minute taskings, the anxiety from poor planning, the lack of pay, the lack of accessible healthcare including for mental health, the lack of actual training, army or mos-based, the lack of promotions on the horizon (and I'm promotable), the way this career keeps me from my family, the lack of real mentorship, the excessively long days, the expectation of doing a second PT session at the end of the day to make up for the lack of a workout in the morning, makes me lose hope for my career. It's hard to hear "just go OCS" when you know you'll have even more things to do but even less time to do them. I barely have time to pursue a healthy romantic relationship. Work is all-consuming and I'm feeling resentful. I want to push through but it just feels so hopeless. Now, I'm considering getting out since I can't even get mental health care.

I'm not sure if I've got depression but it's clear to me that I'm burned out.