A long time ago, before my name was "sir" I was "RP2 Oofenheimer" in the Navy. So I know the importance of walking around, turning a wrench, and generally being around when I can. I was in the motorpool and a group of guys were joking around and one made the r/onejoke. "I identify as a green beret so I can grow my beard lol". I've tried to use our EO trainings to specifically call that kind of thing out but it's still slow going, changing the culture. At any rate, they're all laughing, so they get an eyebrow, I help out where I can for a few minutes, and I move on with my day.

Later in the day, one of those guys is at my door, looking a little shaken.

"Hey SPC, you okay? You looking for the Chaplain?

"Nah sir, I can't really talk to him."

Red flag. My chaplain is dope. Everybody likes him. He's super approachable. So I ask the guy what's up. It's a long conversation, but the summary of it is basically that this poor Specialist is trans. They discovered this recently after a long period of struggle, and they are not out of the closet due to abject terror. The culmination of this conversation was this:

"They're my only friends, but if they knew who I was, they'd hate me."

I sent the Soldier on to the Chaplain after assuring them that our Chaplain is a bleeding heart liberal that can, will, and probably has thrown hands over LGBTQ rights. I don't have an update. That was probably a year or two ago. But it sticks with me a bit, because I still sometimes hear jokes like that and I wonder if there's a Soldier in that group, laughing it up, and dying inside, feeling that their brothers and sisters would hate them if they knew them. It's gotta be a lonely place.