Howdy gents,

Recently I had a chat with my dad on if he had any other stories to share. In his words, not really. During his time as a recon dude in the ČSLA (Czechoslovak People's Army), most of the stories I wrote here were the highlights. There was a time when he jumped into a farmers field by accident, was fussing with his chute and since he messed up the farmers wheat, he promptly chased him around with a pitchfork.

However, he did remember one story he did not tell me. I figured eh, it's a little fun thing, why not share it with you?

When you were drafted to the ČSLA, you were supposed to go to the recruitment office to be evaluated. If you were medically unfit, you were discharged and given the golden ticket, the Blue Book. This piece of paperwork protected you from the feared service in the military. This paperwork was extremely desired by many young lads in the commie years, and plenty did various things to get it. Some people broke their arms voluntarily, others gave themselves pneumonia by running around naked in the freezing winter, and some even paid sick people to sneeze in their mouths. This is an old tradition for Czech to-be-draftees, even the Good Soldier Švejk described draftees being injected with petroleum to be discharged from serving during WW1.

However. If the military deemed you fit, you were screwed. You went through basic training and if you were lucky, you were assigned to a unit that was alright. If you were unlucky, you got assigned to a unit filled with pieces of shit that continuously and needlessly bullied you and hazed you, many times to the point of either suicide or murder. The exact numbers were obviously covered up by the regime, but it was known enough that a lot of dudes were afraid of the service.

Some guys, however, just straight up did not give a shit. This is the case of a so-called Private X. Private X was a Romani gentleman originally from Hungary. As my dad recalls, he was a fairly chill guy, a bit rough around the edges as were many of his family and friends. From what my dad heard from Private X, he led a wild life prior service; stealing, swindling, sometimes even smuggling goods from Western Germany into Czechoslovakia. He was unable to get the Blue Book and was forced to wear a uniform and do his mandatory service.

As they were going through basic, one day, Private X called over his Staff Sergeant. Then they had this conversation:

Private X while saluting: "Permission to speak sir!"
Staff Sergeant: "Go ahead Private."
Private X: "We have been given our rifles, when are we going to get live ammo sir?"
Staff Sergeant, smiling at the soldier: "When you are going to be doing live fire drills soldier. Why so enthusiastic?"
Private X, still in perfect attention: "Because then I can shoot every single one of you officer motherfuckers, sir!"

Private X was taken away and was given his Blue Book within the day on the grounds of insanity. Dad never saw him again.