LT N was an old and bitter man. He was ''promoted'' to LT from the highest NCO rank in the Finnish army, sotilasmestari, master soldier. The government once decided in their immense wisdom that professional NCOs are not actually needed and those should be promoted into officers, but without the possibility of promotion beyond captain. N was bitter about this and nearing his retirement, never having gotten another promotion after he was commissioned against his will. He was our company sergeant major when I served.

Every Finnish army basic unit, company or battery, has a guy called ''yksikön vääpeli'', unit sergeant major. His actual rank can be anything from over sergeant to over lieutenant. His job is to take care of all the day to day running of the unit, like food, cleanliness, leave, discipline and so on. He is helped by conscript scribes and office NCO. LT N filled that slot in our unit. In practice he couldn't be arsed to do the job tho and left as much as possible to the conscript Office NCO and the scribes.

He was really interested on how the Watch NCO of the day reported to him, like the exact wording and how many steps away from him the NCO stood when giving his morning report. He was really interested in where people were using snuss as the regulations stated that all tobacco products could only be used on the official smoking place. He was not at all interested in who was the Watch NCO or if the turns in that role were assigned in a fair fashion. And worst of all he was not interested at all on the most important thing in the lives of the conscripts, leave.

He wanted the entire company in formation every Thursday morning so he could berate us all on everything that was wrong, like the few rifle magazines left in his office after military oath, even after every conscript in that oath ceremony had gotten out of the army. One guy fainted in formation and fell pretty bad during his endless speeches. After that the company was formed up inside on the barrack hallway, and ordered to sit on the floor.

Our NCO course was nearing its end and we all knew that the company would need a new Office NCO, the Sergeant Major's Bitch. It was going to be one of us. Despite that position getting you out of almost all field exercises and tent nights and watch NCO duties and giving you unparalleled power over your fellow conscripts, non of us wanted the job as it would mean constant contact with LT N. We solved the problem with a pact. Anyone assigned to that job would immediately end their service and go for civilian service. This threat was relayed to the company leadership and a miracle happened: no Office NCO was selected for the next six months and the position was left vacant. Were we really serious with our threat? I don't think I was, but as an FO NCO I had a lot smaller risk than the more common infantry NCOs. Some of them were deadly serious tho. I am glad that the company commander was such a great guy and listened us, ''his fighting Uruk Hai'', as he once called us.