Im ready for the grilling but i don’t care, I’ve been at my first duty station for over 6 months and im over this. I wake up every day absolutely despising my existence knowing i have to go back to that flight-line and be belittled and disrespected for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Im tired im beaten and im over it and its only been 6 months. Im not a child im in my mid 20s and spent over a decade being a mechanic and a damn good one in fact, covid hit and I decided I wanted a career change but couldn’t afford college so I joined up. This is by far the worst decision I’ve ever made I’ve never been in such a toxic community in my entire life. Believe me I try my absolute hardest to learn but it’s nearly impossible to stay motivated when everyone tells you everyday you suck and your nickname in the shop is dummy. I spent the last 6 months trying my hardest to receive some sort of training however no one seemed interested nor cared in order to guide me in a sort of direction or even slightly assist me. But because I’ve been here for that period of time im expected to know everything and anything about the jet and the systems and I cant wrap my head around it. I have an entire page in my phone full of notes that i continuously work on and look over because I just want my 5 level and some sort of respect for once but it seems like no matter what I do and how hard I try im just told im dead weight and a failure. And truly im starting to feel like one. Im over it.

Edit: I truly can not thank every single one of you enough, your words of kindness and encouragement have given me a new light and fire to keep me going to reach my goals. I initially joined in order to commission and for a while I thought id never see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt depressed and unheard, but reading your responses and DM’s has done more than any of you could imagine. Thank you, every single on you.