The link is underneath. I don't know why this video made me express this. I would hate to see my brothers and sisters part of the 22 statistic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkJdTGMS794

Here's some new music by A Combat Veteran. I've been a subscriber of his for a few years now. I have fought with depression and suicide ideation and almost fully committed to going through with it a few times. I work in healthcare and often see multiple patient's coming into the ED with suicidal ideation. I have debt, sometimes struggling to make payments and getting by. I moved away from my family and took on a life I thought I was prepared for, but realized I put way too much on my shoulders. I often feel like a failure and constantly compare myself to everyone who is "successful" to me. Sometimes I hate the person that I became and wish I can have a do-over.

But I realized it gets better. I started to volunteer to provide care with hospice patients. My first patient was a WWII veteran and when him and I talked about my service with the Air Force, I helped him remember what he used to do during WWII (he had a mild case of dementia). I realized how selfish it would be of me to leave my girlfriend, 6 cats (I love dogs but more of a cat person) and family behind. I try not to beat myself up over what somebody else has done or is currently doing. I stopped bottling up my problems/emotions and expressed them to people who cared to listen. I haven't made my mark in the world yet and I can't leave until I've done so.

I'm sorry this is so long. I needed a way to get this off my chest. If anyone's feeling like they can't get out or the only way to get out is by committing suicide, please call someone, anyone before you do anything. I know we complain a lot about the annual briefings we do with suicide prevention. I wish we could do more for each other besides death by PowerPoint. I always try to be reachable in case someone just needs to talk or vent about stupid $hit happening in their life. We're all in this together and I always make sure to reach out to my troop/NCOIC/OIC just to check up on them. Sometimes when I check on them, they're really checking on me and getting me back to normalcy.

Thanks for reading. Sorry if this came off weird. Don't ever think ending it all is the easiest way out. Somebody out there loves you and wants to help you.