I was going to wait a bit this month to repost, but my stupid brain has me up since 0100 this morning and I'm bored. So now that it is 0600 and I'm obviously not going to sleep, I might as well entertain you kind folks and assorted degenerates. As always, lightly edited. Enjoy.

If you have been in the Army, you have heard that phrase at some point. In other words, get your damn hands out of your uniform pockets. I guess they are called Air Force gloves because that branch is a bit more laid back than the Army is in most cases. That, and the machismo that pervades the Army (and combat arms in particular) also means that anything Air Force is used as an insult. "You run like you are in the Air Force!" or "Get a haircut, this isn't the Air Force!" Shit like that.

While still a senior in high school, I would sometimes go to the armory where my dad was stationed before his retirement to hang out. I had signed my contract while still a junior and was going in right after graduation. So I liked to go hangout with him on school holidays and such from time to time. Anyway, I'm walking around one day wearing hightop sneakers (1988 - all the rage), a t-shirt, and an old pair of my dad's BDU pants. I'm walking around the armory looking at stuff and I have on my Air Force gloves.

This armory happens to be joint service, and there was a single active duty Marine in one of the offices. I stroll past it and he starts yelling at me. "Take off those Air Force gloves!"

I have since heard that a lot in the Army, but that was the first time I heard it in my life. I stopped and looked at him, waiting for clarification. "Get your hands out of those fucking pockets!"

Now, I've written about my dad. He is an old school Vietnam vet and was an E7 at the time. So some random NCO yelling at me didn't intimidate me, and I was curious. "Why?"

Have you ever seen a Marine Gunny turn purple then explode? I told him I wasn't even in the military. (If I was, would I be wearing a t-shirt and hightop sneakers?) Then his logic progressed to "He didn't care" and it was "disrespectful" to the uniform. I wandered back to my dad's office and told him about it. He told me to tell him to fuck off and come talk to him if he said anything again. Heh.

Months later, I'm in Basic Training. A severely ingrown toenail sent me to the hospital to have it taken care of. (Lot of blood, puss and pain. They cut out like half of it.) So I'm walking back to my unit after that little visit. Limping a bit, cuz it hurt and my toe was wrapped in about 12 pounds of gauze. I have on my Air Force gloves like a dumbass. I felt comfortable because this was a part of the Ft. Bliss basic training area that wasn't in use, so I figured no one would see this dumb kid in uniform with his hands in his pockets.

So I'm bopping down the road and hear a vehicle. I didn't do the smart thing to turn and look at it. Seconds later it locks up the brakes as it passes me and skids to a stop. Then an angry little man jumped out and began screaming at me about my "Air Force gloves."

The angry little man was a one star general. The hands in my pockets thing was bad enough. Not saluting the vehicle (then I noticed the flag on the hood) was worse. I had flashbacks to the Marine Gunny yelling at me and almost started laughing. Then I realized this was probably the post commander and I was about to be summarily executed by the side of the road.

That didn't happen obviously. But as a new Private still in Basic I was sure it was going to. That General was PISSED. He chewed me out for having on Air Force gloves and for not saluting, then got in and his driver drove off in a huff.

It would have been amazing if I had slipped and told him to fuck off and go talk to SFC /u/BikerJedi's Dad, but I wouldn't have a stint in the Army to tell you about if I'd been that dumb.

But I'll tell you what, I never once got caught with my Air Force gloves on again. Getting chewed out by a general is some next level shit.

OneLove 22ADay Glory to Ukraine