In the Navy some jobs are fun. Some are less so.

Some jobs it depends on context.

Painting the side is one of those jobs. When you are under the pump and the crew are lazy it's shit but when you have a good team and it's a nice day and there's no rush it can be almost fun.

So after almost two years in a ship with a mediocre crew we were preparing for a three month trip to South East Asia. With just over a week to go the Executive Officer (XO), who had only been on board two weeks, decided that I should be posted off and replaced as I would be over the two year mark in the first few weeks of our trip. (Most sea postings are two years in my branch)

On the Monday before the deployment my replacement posted in (This was unusual. Usually your replacement came on after you posted off) and proceeded to learn his way around while I worked as normal and took my gear home one backpack full at a time over the course of the week.

Friday rolls around. My post out paperwork is as complete as it can be and I am over the side on a pontoon with a few other guys painting.

When I came back from lunch I found out I was alone. I thought nothing of it as the other guys hadn't done much, there wasn't a lot left to do and I figured they were given other jobs.

Less than an hour left in the workday, I am almost finished and I see most of my department, in civilian clothes, heading off. I found asked someone from another department that I saw where they were going. The reply "They got knocked off early and are going for a few beers."

Time to get petty.

Hand painting a ship is very simple. Standard sized roller (380mm) and long extendable poles. A firm, even pressure and an up-and-down motion.

This late in the day the paint was starting to thicken (Two pack paint with a 2-3hr pot life) so I stopped using my up and down motion. I was right up the bow end of the ship. So just under the pennant numbers I proceed to start painting horizontally, with an overloaded roller and as much pressure as I can without bending the pole or the roller. A few curving motions. A finishing touch or two and *voila* a complete 12ft long cock, complete with balls.

Being the same colour as the rest of the ship I didn't expect it to be visible after the paint dried. I could see it while it was wet and that's all I cared about. I cleaned up and went home.

Come Monday, as I walked in to my new posting, I saw my old ship. The paint had dried and overall she looked good. Just as I got to a certain angle.... there it was. I felt proud that this ship would sail out that morning with my handiwork for all to see.

I thought that was that.

Fast forward two years.

I post into a new crew in a different ship. Most of this ships company had transferred across from my old ship a few months before. The only one from the old crew that had been there longer than a year was the guy who replaced me. Talking while we worked the discussion of the old XO came up (The one who sent me ashore) he had only been off a few months at this stage and was not beloved of the department. Apparently he had been fuming about having a giant cock painted on his ship and every chance he got he was sending people to paint over it to try and cover it up but it still showed through.

It didn't get removed until they went into the drydock and sandblasted the hull back to bare steel. I just sat there and grinned quietly.

So I didn't just get my petty act of rebellion. I made those bastards do extra work for the rest of their time in that ship.

To this day nobody knows it was me.