When I was the Leading Chief Petty Officer (LCPO) at a large base in the far north an incident happened that I got embroiled in. LCPO's in the Coast Guard are not what Leading anythings (LPO, LCPO, etc.) in the Navy are. There's only one Leading anything at a base in the Coast Guard and that's one of the top two senior enlisted. Usually an E-8 (if no E-9's are assigned to the base) or the senior E-9.

One Saturday morning I was washing my truck in the hangar, which is how its done in the icy frozen far north. The Watch Captain (E-6 in charge of the duty crew during non-working hours) came running up to me in a panic. WTF? Very unusual.

Master Chief, I have a problem that's wayyyyy over my head. I asked What's up? It turns out that one of his E-4's was pulling a prank on another E-4 who had left his CAC card (Essentially the new/current military ID that allows access to the CG's computer network) plugged into a computer but had walked away. A major No-No. COMSEC ya know. The E-4 pulling the prank had replied to an E-Mail sent to everyone in the duty section with an email of his own. It stated something like he (the owner of the adrift CAC card, and recipient of the prank) would not be able to comply due to being too busy and went on to explain what he would be doing. Let's just say it involved little boys and girls and involved some very illegal and immoral deeds.

The problem came into play when after he had hit the "send" button, he realized that he had sent it in reply, not to an email to just his duty section, but to one sent to every Coastie west of the Mississippi River as far as Hawaii. Up to, and including, the 3-Star Area Commander. Shit was about to hit the fan in a BIG way, and it was going to roll downhill like a snowball. I had 3 good guys that were about to learn the wrath of God.

The WC led me to the duo and I immediately felt bad for them. They looked like 1 pissed off dude (WC) who was looking at at the least would lose his position; 1 scared and pissed dude (adrift CAC card), who by leaving his CAC card in the computer when he went to take a piss was at the minimum going to get splashed by the splatter of the shit storm coming down the pipe, and the poor kid who sent the email.

Have you ever seen a mid-twenty-year-old man so afraid that he was white and shaking looking like he was going to cry? He looked like a 6-year-old kid who had been caught red handed eating a candy bar he had just shoplifted. His world, as he knew it, was about to end. And he knew it.

But it was now my problem. I had about 15 minutes before the shit show started. My thinking: The kid did something stupid and had to be taught a lesson. But on the other hand, he had immediately owned up to the fuck up and reported to the WC. But the punishment must be severe enough to satisfy the Gods.

I immediately sent him home. I then told the WC and rest of the duty section they were to have no contact with the kid. Then I ordered the guy that left his CAC card in the computer to retake the on-line computer security course (part of the annual mandatory training that is long and tedious. It's painful to take) And sent them all back to work. I told the still very pissed off WC not to sweat it. I had it covered.

I then put up the best defense I could come up with by going on the offense and started making preemptive calls up the chain of command all the way to the CO. I told each what had occurred, and that I was on it. When asked how I handled it, I would just ask if they really wanted to know? I only had one person in the chain of command insist that I tell him what I did. (Oh shit! What do I tell him?) I answered, Sir, before I tell you I request an email from you stating you are ordering me to answer that question and a guarantee that no legal charges will be preferred upon my person. (Fuck it. Let his imagination run.)

I was later told that Monday morning that the shitstorm was indeed waiting for the CO when he came to work but was averted when the CO repeated to whomever called him it was all taken care of by his LCPO and stated it shouldn't happen again. When pressed, he then repeated what I had told the overly inquisitive member of the Chain of Command who insisted I tell them what I did. Apparently senior command had talked. I guess no one wanted to open that can of worms as nothing more was said of the incident.

What did I do to the original offender, you ask? Why, nothing. Not all punishment need be physical. Fear of the unknown can be overwhelming. I had essentially sentenced the poor kid to two days of living in his head. Fearing the worst. He was a basket case come Monday morning. He stated he hadn't slept, hadn't eaten, had not done anything but think and beat himself up mentally. I took him to breakfast, gave him the required speech, and sent him home for some much-needed solid sleep.

To my knowledge, no one ever found out who actually sent the email outside the duty section. I do know that rumors of what happened to him flew, getting bigger and better as time passed. For a while, people would see me coming and walk the other way so as not to "piss off the Master Chief." But I never had another computer issue.

And I drove that truck around for a week only half washed.

Happy New Years Everyone! Thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.