Now this ain't no shit. There we was, in a diesel electric submarine older than me. Out of San Diego doing weekly ops, giving ping time to the skimmers and airedales. I was battle stations helmsman in the conn, a compartment about the size of a dumpster on top of the main hull, full of people and equipment and periscopes. We were making a drill attack approach on a NSTS cargo ship. They were blissfully unaware of our presence and would remain so.

The Captain was on the attack 'scope.
"UP SCOPE"
"RANGE... MARK... BEARING... MARK... ANGLE ON THE BOW PORT 20."
"DOWN 'SCOPE."

The Captain stepped back from the 'scope, re-lit the massive cheap cigar in his mouth, took a drag, and fumigated the conn.

Captain: "Anybody know what famous historical figure once said "LEFT A HAIR... RIGHT A HAIR... MARK, MARK, MARK?"

Us: "No Sir."

Captain: "Cleopatra."